Update on the Sweet Baby.

He really isn't a baby anymore.  But in some ways he is.  He is that wonderful mix of little boy and baby.

He like to hang out with his Baba.

There is lots of pulling up practice these days!

The cat is always good to play with!

He is very enthusiatic about having guest over because, hello!  Potential playmates!

Books are still one of his favorite things.

New fascination with cars and trucks.

We still love our little guy and delight in him.  But taking care of a special needs little guy can be exhausting on many levels.  His future is still uncertain.  Please keep him in your prayers.







Live the questions

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves ...

Don't search for the answers,

which could not be given to you now,

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything.

Live the questions now.

Perhaps then, someday far in the future,

you will gradually, without even noticing it,

live your way into the answer.

Rainier Maria Rilke

We are in a new place in life, my darling daughter. We are at the beginning of endings and the endings of beginnings. Most importantly, we are at beginning of beginnings. Your life is open before you as you finish up your last semester of high school and go off to college. It’s a wonderful and amazing time.

You are in Beijing this weekend, at a seminar for TCK’s (third culture kids). We’ve raised you in an environment that celebrated and embraced other cultures. We wanted you to see the intrinsic value of human beings, made in the image of God. I was raised that way and I married your father who also believed that way. I couldn’t have married anyone who didn’t share that value.

So this weekend, you are talking with other high school Seniors from around China about adapting back to your home culture. I don’t know the specifics but I would imagine that you are discussing practical and more theoretical issues. What happens when you say to someone something like “One time when we were in Beijing…..” or “In Thailand we saw….” and they think you are a snob or pretentious? What happens when you feel out-of- date music or movies? What happens when people can’t relate to you and you feel like an outsider. The internet has changed quite a bit of that but there is still a gap.

The life we have led has been hard for you sometimes. We have moved quite a bit. We haven’t had much money. You have seen your father verbally beaten up by people he has invested in. You have seen him take much criticism. You have often felt that our priority was the work we did, instead of you. You have struggled in deep and personal ways. We hope and pray that those are things you can process well and that you would grow strong in all the broken places.

You are stubborn, my darling girl and strong-willed. You get that from your mother and your father. However, I often feel as though you mirror me in good ways and bad. When you were very young, I read a book that said that strong-willed children don’t need to be broken. Their strong will needs to be redeemed and used for Kingdom purposes. I see that in you and I am glad we didn’t try to “break your will.” Because your will would have won.

We moved to China when you were fifteen, after many years of working in international environments in the US. We knew we were taking a risk. Moving teenagers is a risky business. But you have blossomed and grown here. Your heart has enlarged in amazing way. Your faith has deepened and grown and become truly your own.

You have grown in practical ways here. You have an unusual skill set- getting through customs, hailing a taxi, tackling the subways of Beijing, using a squatty potty. Your favorite foods are Korean, thanks to the influence of Korean classmates. You have an independence that is admirable and courage to try new things. You have seen incredible things here- the Hong Kong Harbor on New Year’s Eve, the Forbidden City, the mountains of Yunnan, Mongolian herders. You have slept in a yurt. You have gone to school with students from many countries and have grown from both the good and bad experiences that has brought you. You have seen China, Hong Kong, Thailand and the Philippines. You have been blessed.

But living here has also brought the hard questions – the questions that have no answers. You have seen poverty and injustice in the Philippines as you volunteered there. You have learned the reality of Psalm 68:6 that God places the lonely in families. You have been amazing as you let a lonely little boy into our family and given up some of your rights and privileges.

The questions are often unanswered. Why are there orphans? Why is it so hard to get them into families? Where the people who will stand up for what are is right? For justice? Why are families broken up? These are the big questions that you have struggle with- the questions that don’t have answers right now.

So my darling girl, I pray that you will live the questions. Never be satisfied with easy answers. Live in the tension of the now and the not yet kingdom. Keep asking the questions. The answers will come some day and on that day, all things will be made right. Keep your passion for what is true and right. Never lose hope.

Written for my friend Sarah's Practices of Parenting carnival.  Click on the Emerging Mummy link on my sidebar to see what other people have written on this topic.

Now is the winter of our discontent....

Yes, I know this quote from Richard the III is taken out of context here....but it is so freaking cold.  I may have mentioned a time or two or three or four......or more how much I hate the cold.  Hate really isn't even a strong enough word.  The cold here makes me want to cry.  It makes me feel upset and miserable and vulnerable.  It makes me not want to go out...ever.
We returned to school last week after five weeks of break.  The school heat had been off for five weeks....oh my!  We have these air conditioner/heater combo things in our classrooms called "kongtiaos."  They are actually pretty effective when the radiator heat goes down.  But after five week of cold, it took some time before the classroom warmed up. 
I have some fun things going on in the international school this semester.  My sixth grader is working on an autobiography project that is fun to watch progress.  My seventh graders are smart and really progressing in their English.  My eighth grader went back to her home country so I don't have an eighth grader. 
I started a charity knitting service project with the middle schoolers.  12 students signed up.  Pray for me next Friday as I try to teach them all to knit.  We will be knitting squares that will  be sewn together for blankets for one of the foster care homes here.  I've taught knitting before so it's a fun project all around.
Things have been relatively quiet hence the lack of blogging.  Elisabeth had an amazing time in the Philippines and wants to go back next summer and work in their teen home.  Our little guy spent some time at his ayi's apartment as we needed a break.  Taking care of a special needs little guy is exhausting. He isn't quite walking yet and still needs to be carried quite a bit.  He is very mobile with crawling and needs to be watched all the time.  Thankfully, he is still sweet and fun and a good sleeper.
Over the break, I read a book of the break on Quaker silence.  It was challenging to me as I feel that my life is full of noise.  Not just the noise of China but other noise- the internet for example. I feel challenged to look for more expectant stillness in my life.
Of course, we still have the unusual stuff in our life.
For example, Paul came home two days ago looking like this.

Yes- fire cupping.  This is about three days after it was done. It's supposed to draw out toxins. Hot glasses are put in the skin and left there for a while.   I asked Paul if he felt healthier and he said no.  At least he was game for one more cross cultural experience!



Serving in the Phillippines for the Second Time.

Our daughter is in the Phillippines for the second time, serving in an orphanage and with displaced people.  Yes, it makes my heart swell as I look at this pictures.

Carrying wood beams in the heat of the day.

Building a wall..by hand.

Reading to one of the kids.

Can't wait to see her again next week!

Monkey boy goes to the doctor.

One of my affectionate names for our little guy is "Monkey Boy."  I have no idea why but it seems to suit him.  We took him into the orphan/charity clinic for his check-up the other day.  This is a center where the doctors are in training and it's pretty fun to go.  I've blogged about it here as we go every few months.  Or so....
http://walkingtochina.blogspot.com/2011/05/some-more-of-foster-babies.html  It's amazing to see the difference in how he was sitting even six months ago,
Here are a few pictures from the check-up.  He thoroughly charmed the doctors as they gave him pens and cell phones to play with.  He was weighed fully dressed (diaper, onesie, thin long underwear, thick long underwear, corduroy pants, shirt and sweater- hey, it's cold here) so his weight was recorderd a little high.  But is is about 27 pounds (90th percentile) and 75th percentile for height. His measurements go on a  growth chart that is specific to kids with Down Syndrome.  They tend to be shorter and rounder and he fits that to a T.

Talking on the exam room phone.  Any phone has a magnetic draw for our little guy.  His ayi calls people up and lets him talk to them.  He can also pretend text on a cell phone.  I often find new phone numbers in my address book.  Or a different tone for the ring.  Or the ringer off.  So if you call me and I don't answer, it's possible that he has accidentally turned off my phone!

Notice that the nice doctors gave him the stethoscope. I'm not sure if he wants to be held, pulled or if they are holding something that he wants. They didn't say a lot of no to him!

Listening to his heart.  He watching the other doctor pretty intently.

Paul came along on the visit because I literally can not carry our little guy any more.  He is close to 30 pounds and his low muscle tone makes carrying him really hard-it's like carrying a sleeping child.  The clinic require a long taxi ride - that means carrying him while walking on a busy street to find a taxi- no way!  Later we had to get some blood tests (not a good experience) and I was so glad Paul was there to hold him- I don't think I could have done it.

It was a good visit and I am so thankful for the good medical care available to us.

Things that are making me laugh.

I've often said that a sense of humor is the unnamed fruit of the spirit.  Being able to laugh and just enjoy things is key to so much, especially in living overseas.  So in that spirit....here are things that are making me laugh these days.

Did you know we had a little old village woman that lived in our home?  Our little guys loves this shawl and loves being wrapped up in it.  I don't know if it's a characteristic of Down Syndrome but he loves things with texture that he can touch and feel.  This shawl with yarn imported from Uruguay fits the bill perfectly!

Total joy at new books and a new battery operated toothbrush at Christmas.  We should all be so thankful!

Maybe Succcss in Service.  But not in spelling.

NE China is dry and cold.  The saga of trying to find lotion that doesn't have whitening stuff in it, isn't greasy or doesn't require me to cash out a retirement account to buy is a blogspot all its own.  In my quest to find lotion, I discovered this scratching cream at a Watson's Drugs.  I bought it because, well, how could I not?  It was irresistable! Both Elisabeth and I used it in the shower and there was no scratching.  The word "sand" is in the characters but this was basically shower gel.

Taken surreptiously in the line at the ATM.

Hi

I bought a new bike.

I want to go to give you a ride home

This weekend.

Awesome misspelling on pirated sweats.  I wonder if they also use child labor to make their clothes.

This was on a bag of bread that we got at Ole- an overpriced grocery store in an upscale mall.  The bread was fantastic but I think we know what food is.

I passed by these two charming ladies as I walked to the bank.  They were dressed exactly alike.  They aren't twins, most likely good friends.  This isn't unusual here- I once saw a group of about five elderly women all dressed in the same purple hat.

Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine....





The blood and guts of incarnation.

It's the day after Christmas in China. It's sunny and bright and about 10 fahrenheit-not too bad of a temperature.  Paul is out of town visiting a Chinese friend that we knew in America.  Elisabeth is sleeping and the little guy is napping.  Ah, quiet!  How I long for more quiet in my life.
I love Christmas..all of it. I love the lights, the tree, Advent, buying gifts, stockings, chocolate, Christmas carols, St. Nicholas Day...all of it.  Since Christmas is an ordinary day in China and there isn't the shopping frenzy that happens post Thanksgiving in the US, our holiday here has been more simple and maybe more focused.
The day before Christmas,  I read this  rather depressing article.    http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Asia-Pacific/2011/1222/Christmas-craze-fills-Chinese-malls-if-not-its-churches?cmpid=addthis_facebook#.TvUsoAhdnh0.facebook   Here is one  of the  quotes "Ms. Qu has celebrated Christmas for the last few years, she says “because it’s a fashion and it happens all over the world.” This year she plans to go with her husband and friends to a restaurant and then a karaoke bar on Christmas Eve – a habit that millions of other young Chinese urbanites share"
Somewhat ironically, a little while after reading this article, Elisabeth and I went out shopping for some gifts.  We went to a traditional shopping area and then an upscale mall.   So I just have to say, dear China (and around the world)....Christmas is not any of the following things...

Christmas is not Santa (even though I am not against him).  It is especially not Santa with a  large "Merry" and a very small "Christmas."

Christmas is not store window displays...cute though this one was.

It's not elaborate entrances to malls...

Or twisted trees

Mary and Joseph probably didn't think the blood, sweat and tears of giving birth would lead to displays for "Romantic Christmas."  I don't know if there was romance in the manger but there was love, wonderful love.

Even cute little girls in Christmas themed dresses can not capture the meaning of Christmas.

No, Christmas is not any of those things.  The first verse of "Oh, Holy Night" says

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;

It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born!

O night, O holy night, O night divine

Artist:  He Qi

Our souls feel our worth as we know that God became man for us.  The incarnation is real and meaningful and gritty.  The visit of the angel to a young virgin was stunning and probably scary.  The sharing with Elizabeth was real as Mary really knew she was pregnant by then.  She needed another woman to share the burden of this unexpected news. 

Nativity:  Lu Lan

Jesus was born in the usual way-blood, sweat, pain and joy.  The amazing writer Sarah Bessey wrote on birth and it's connection to incarnation this powerful essay - Incarnation.  Read this beautiful quote and the click on the link below.  You won't be sorry.

But we keep it quiet, the mess of the Incarnation, because it’s just not church-y enough and men don’t quite understand and it’s personal, private, there aren’t words for this and it’s a bit too much. It’s too much pain, too much waiting, too much humanity, too much God, too much work, too much joy, too much love and far too messy. With far too little control. And sometimes it does not go the way we thought it was supposed to go and then we are also left with questions, with deep sadness, with longing.

My entire concept of God shifted in that moment, leaving my brain and my life and my theology to catch up with what my soul now knew deep. I could never see God as anything other than through the lens of the Incarnation, of his Father-Mother heart and his birth now. No theologian or counter-circumstance-experience can take away from what I know, what many mothers the world over know in their heart of hearts about loss and birth and raising babies and real transformation: it’s Love and it is sacred and it is human and it all redeems. The very truth that God put on flesh and blood and moved into the neighbourhood through birth, even – especially – that experience of birth, now showing us what it means to be truly human.http://deeperstory.com/incarnation/