I love these two children. One, the child of my body and heart. Much wanted, much longed for, much waited for.
The other unexpectedly came into our life. He is much wanted, much loved, such a wonderful addition to our lives.
We always knew there would be a goodbye to both of them. In a year and a half, college for the first.
For our sweet baby, our hope was to a forever family who could love him forever. Our whole mindset has been to get him ready for a family.
However, we now know that he will not be able to be adopted some day. It's very complicated- a mix of laws, and culture and views of Down Syndrome and so on. His life will be here in long term foster care.
Is this a bad solution for him? If it works well, no. We love this country and so much of its culture. People are kind to children, indulgent. He could end up staying with a family for a very long time. But we don't know. It's the uncertainty of his future that makes this so painful.
We will keep him as long as we can. When it's the right time to make the transition, we will help him along the way. Other people will follow up on him. He is still young and can adapt. We have tried all the resources available - Reece's Rainbow, Rainbow kids, blogs and China adoption message boards. But the no is from this country end and that can not be overcome.
Honestly, it's just killing me. We adore him. He has made such a major impact in all of our lives, teaching us about love and sacrifice and the Father's love for orphans. We still love this country and culture and it's people. It is certainly not that we think China can not take care of its children. But adoption is rare here and special needs adoption is even rarer. Our hope was for adoption. But for now, it's a no.
We are very tired. The last few months have really take a toll on us in many ways. Many things in our lives right now are just tough. I am going to take a blogging break for a while and try to recoup. I can't write anything happy or feature anything unusual about living here. I just need to be sad and spend time with my family.