Thursday, June 2, 2011

The finding place.

I did a sad thing today....and a joyful thing.  I took a picture of a finding place...a place where a baby was found.  An adoptive mom had read my blog and found that one of her daughters was from our city.  She knew where her child had been found and asked if we could get a picture.  I was happy to do it and rode my bike over today.


This was it.  The west gate of a hospital near us.  Ironically, from our old apartment, we could see this hospital from our back window.  It's an easy bike ride away.
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A finding place means that a baby has been left.  Abandoned.  Babies are left at all kinds of places...but almost always where they can be found.  Hospitals are very common as are police stations.  It is not unusual for the parents to be watching to make sure their babies are okay.  Our own little guy was left at a hospital.  His parents checked him in...and then left.  I've been in a the hospital with him when he was so sick last fall.  It would have been easy to just walk out.  Parents of special needs kids often leave them in hospitals in the hopes that they will get the care that they need.

Why do parents do it?  The reason's are as varied as the parents.  Lack of resources.  A second child that is going to bring a large fine.  A child with special needs that the parent can not afford. Mythology and superstition about certain special needs. A girl when the family needed a boy.  Parents who simply don't want to child that was born to them.  All sad reasons.

When children are abandoned and to be adopted, a finding ad will be placed in the newspaper.  I understand the reasoning behind this but it strikes me as sad and odd.  These children are not lost, like a puppy or cat.  They are....for lack of a better word...abandoned.

Look at that picture and imagine what it felt to leave your child there.  Were they afraid of getting caught?  It's a crime to abandon a child.  What were they thinking or feeling when they left.  Was it sadness?  Relief?  Hope?  All of the above?

A finding place means that a baby was found.  For this little baby found here, there is a happy ending.  She has a sweet family who loves and cares for her.  She is one of the few that has this kind of happy ending.

As we have entered this world of orphans and foster care and adoption, I have been on a sharp learning curve.  I had no idea how few orphans are actually orphans..most have parents somewhere.  I had no idea how long and complicated the adoption process was.  The biggest thing that I have learned was that the approach must be multi-faceted.  More and better foster care is a good place to start.   Less complications with adoptions.  More domestic adoption.  Better structures in place for birth families who have children with special needs.

What I do know is that the abandoned need to be found and that children belong in families.  I will believe that forever.

10 comments:

prechrswife said...

Precious and heart-wrenching post...

Tara Anderson said...

I would love to have a picture of my son's finding spot. What you have given this family is a treasure.

Trish said...

It's so sad to think that parents can abandon a child. I was adopted when I was 2 years old from Korea. My birth parents were not married and had no intentions of ever marrying. I stayed with my mother for the first year and when she was unable to care for me any longer, she gave me to my father who cared for me the second year. I am forever grateful that my birth parents went to an adoption agency, who then placed me with my forever family! My heart goes out to all those who have been abandoned. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post about abandonment and a finding place! I pray that your little guy will have a forever family someday soon. Bless you and your family for opening your hearts to this loving, little boy!

Sheri said...

This is a beautiful post. You covered very many aspects of the complicated, and heart breaking subject of international adoption. And, you did so without passing judgement. Your words are wonderful.

My son is from Shenyang City. His finding place might have been the same hospital as the little girl in your post. My son was found outside the pediatric outpatient clinic when he was seven months old.

How sad for the families that must abandon their children, but what joy for all involved when their forever families find them.

Blessings,
Sheri in Galveston
www.happyhainfamily.blogspot.com

Alida said...

It breaks my heart...I just cannot imagine.

Kristi said...

Yes, you had indeed given this family a treasure. And so much of what you've written ran through my mind as I stood looking at my daughter unknowingly stand in her finding spot last February. I had her stop so I could take her picture there and the tears began to flow...

Monica said...

Beautiful post. Your photo brought tears to my eyes...truly a treasure.

Kathy said...

I visited my son's finding spot while we were in China. I had only met my two year old boy two days earlier and was still getting to know him and learning how to be his mother. As we stood in the spot where he had been abandoned as a baby, I watched his stoic face as he stood holding my mom's hand, and I felt fiercely protective. I barely knew my son, and I couldn't imagine him being abandoned in this spot by family who should love and care for him forever. I couldn't envision him as a little baby by himself in this spot. What was he wearing? Did he cry? Did he search with his eyes for his mother? I try, but with my American mother brain, I cannot even grasp the reasons that he would be abandoned. His birth mother must have felt that she had no other choice. Sometimes I think about his birth mother and think about what a wonderful blessing she gave away. Our son is pure sunshine, and I wish that she could see how well he is doing. I would thank her for giving life to such a wonderful boy. China adoption is so complicated, heartbreaking, and joyful in so many ways. I completely agree with your wise words, "What I do know is that the abandoned need to be found and that children belong in families. I will believe that forever."

Tarasview said...

I can't even imagine. So heartbreaking.

Christine said...

I wish China didn't have the one-child rule. With modern transportation and the need for higher education, most families wont' have large families anymore. I also feel bad for China, who is having a shortage of baby girls now.

I used to live in Korea, and they do have a slight shortage of females. People sometimes pay the doctor to tell if it's a boy or girl and get rid of the girl if they feel they need a son. Yet it't not an extreme problem because people are allowed more than one child.