Saturday, July 7, 2012

Love Wins

I was riding my bike from Kitchen Street today with a new wok to take to the US.  It's our last day in China it felt really good to ride through the streets one last time.  I was thinking about our little guy while I was riding.  The painful reality is that we don't have him anymore.  On Thursday, we packed up our friend's van with all of his stuff and took him to live with his ayi.  He looked quite puzzled as we pulled up and took his stuff in but his face lit up when he saw his shu shu (uncle).  That comforted me. We said our good-byes and left quickly. I totally broke down in the van and the tears have been flowing pretty freely. We will see him again tomorrow as he is coming to the airport.  At first I thought that was not a good idea but now I am so glad to see him again one more time.  My grief is so deep that I really can't even write about it.
When I woke up on Thursday, I thought-today your future begins. There is truth to that. His paperwork is getting done.  Things are moving forward.  We are leaving China with a sense of peace about his future. The day we found out about Paul's future position in the Pacific NW was the same day that we found out that the orphanage would allow him to be adopted.  That felt amazing!
Having this little guy in our life has been amazing.  But there has been a cost. Things that are valuable have a  cost. My life in particular has been rather circumscribed.  I spend a lot of time at home with him rather than out in the city.  My Chinese level is lower than it should be.   Our little guy is a special needs little guy-he needs supervision all the time.  He can't really walk yet and at 2.5 he is a little chunk to haul around. My back may never recover! We have paid in time, money and the focus of our work in China.  We worry that we haven't accomplished all that we set out to do here.  Yes, there is a cost.
There is also great joy.  We were looking back over past posts today to gather some pictures for a photo album that we will give him. We remembered the skinny little guy who came to us two years ago so dehydrated that he couldn't make tears.  He was bitten by a mosquito one of the first nights he was here and his immune system was so compromised that it took three weeks for the bites to heal.
But slowly he grew.  Round the clock feeding at the beginning.  One of his pediatricians told me that he was was an "unregulated baby."  That really resonated with me and I put him on a sleep and eating routine.  He gained weight pretty quickly and after a bout with pneumonia that landed him in the hospital, he began to get healthy.
We prayed for the milestones- turning over, sitting, self-feeding, holding his own bottle, standing. We prayed that he would walk before we left China and the morning that he left, he took steps back and forth between Paul and I.  That was a major moment.
For the last two years, we have been Mama and Baba. In his future there is a Mom and a Dad or a Mommy and Daddy.  Love wins for this little boy!
Our little guy is just one of so, so many who need families.  He is no more or less deserving than any of them to be going to a family. We are so, so thankful.
So love, joy, cost, sacrifice.  Was it worth it?

You bet it was!  Love wins!


Pam Terrell said...

Sandy, I am grieving with you too, with tears running down my face as I type this. It is has been a sheer joy to walk this journal with you via your blog, FB, and email. I am so impressed with you, Paul, and Elisabeth as well as humbled and encouraged by your reckless love and obedience. Even though I know you have made a significant influence on those in your various communities (literal neighbors, Elisabeth's school, shopkeepers, etc.), even if THE ONLY impact you had made was upon your little man that is so significant and eternal. He knows love. He knows compassion. He knows life. You have sung over him and now you are trusting in His Heavenly Father to do the same. I will keep him and your family in my prayers as you transition and grieve. Joy comes in the morning. Take care.

Lori Sloan said...

Your post nearly had me in tears and then I got to the picture of your little guy and out they came! He was so lucky to have had you. I hope he finds his forever family soon and that they stay in contact with yours. My prayers are with you and with him as you both begin exciting new journeys!

Krista said...

once again sitting here in tears over a post about that sweet baby... i fully believe that part of your work in China was to rescue him. You didn't know it, but Dad knew it and your time there, despite language not being where it should be and whatever else... your time there was not wasted. I know you know that :)

Kathy said...

Perfectly spoken! Safe journeys to all of you.

Jennie said...

Oh, my heart hurts for you Sandy! But what a work you have done in this sweet baby's life. You've changed his future.

Sharon said...

I can't imagine having to give up that little love! Praying that you will experience your Father's comfort. You have done an amazing job that you never knew He had planned for you. I love that you received confirmations of His hand on him (new job & adoption ready) and that you witnessed him reaching milestones...what a blessing a shows the faithfulness of God. LOVE is so worth it . . .even with all of the hard work . . .that's what makes something valuable. You are coming to my neck of the woods.