Thursday, June 21, 2012

For this child I prayed.

When Elisabeth was about three, I was reading her the story of Hannah taking Samuel up to the temple.  If you don't know the story (found in the Old Testament book of 1 Samuel 1:1 - 2: 10), Hannah suffers through many years of childlessness.  She prays and promises God that she would dedicate a child to Him if he would just give her a child.  She conceives and has Samuel.  She keeps him for three years and then brought him to the temple to be brought up by Eli the priest....not exactly a model parent.
As I read this story to Elisabeth, I suddenly understood exactly what Hannah had done...she brought her three year old to the temple to be brought up by a less than stellar parent...and she would only see him once a year.  Her three year old.
My heart clutched as I looked at my three year old....could I trust God with her life?  Could I do what Hannah had done?
Now my three year old is 18 and is less than 100 days away from starting college, as she likes to remind me. Can I trust God with her life?  Can I even trust that she will get out of bed on time to make it to her first class at 9:30?  Can I trust that she will make it to the cafeteria to eat?  That she will study?  Make it to church on Sunday?  Grow in her walk with the Lord?  Can I trust that God will be faithful to matter what?

Now we have our little guy.  We have two weeks left with him. The tears are flowing pretty often for me.  Can we trust God with his future?  He is two and a half...and wonderfully alive.   If his adoptability status hadn't changed and his future was to be in an institution rather than with a family, would I still trust God and say that He is good?  I want to say with Habbakuk 

Though the fig tree does not bud
                                    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails

    and the fields produce no food, 

though there are no sheep in the pen

    and no cattle in the stalls, 
yet I will rejoice in the Lord, 

    I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habbakuk 3: 17 - 18

I want to say this...but it would be a struggle.

If there is any thing that I know about God, it is that He is faithful and that His faithfulness depends on His character, not mine.  Despite my lack of faith that our little  guy could ever be adopted, despite anxiety about our daughter going away to college...He is faithful.

I can say this with Isaiah

But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel: 
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 
When you pass through the waters, 
    I will be with you; 
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, 
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze. 
For I am the Lord your God, 
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; 
Isaiah 43. 1 -3

I believe that God will be with them...both of them for the rest of their days. For these children,  I prayed.

When our little guy first came to our home, we used to sing this over him. 

He is trustworthy...and mighty to save.


Melanie said...

I willbe praying for you during all this transistion. I will also pray that whoever adopts your little guy will be willing to keep in contact with you. I have enjoyed your blog so much and my heart goes out to you. I can' imagine how hard this transition is for you. My oldest daughter goes to college this fall also and I have been grieving her leaving the nest for a while now. It is so hard to let them go! I will keep praying for you that God will give you peace and comfort and you will feel His presence surround you during this time.

Christa said...

Brought to tears. Praying for your family *including YB* during this time of HUGE transition for all of you. Wish I could give you a hug right now like I was able to a few weeks ago. I should have grabbed another then. Miss you!

Ellie said...

Praying for you and your daughter now in these last two weeks. I also loved a baby for a season and returned him when I was a teen, so I know some of the pain you are walking through.